There are moments in our lives where circumstances are beyond our control. We have no ability to DO anything to alter the way things are. These are some of the most powerless and painful times of our lives. We feel trapped in an intolerable situation, helpless and desperate. Our situation seems unsolvable but unbearable. One minute life is normal and predictable and you feel like the master of your destiny and the next, your world gets completely turned upside down.
Many of us, who are really suffering do not realize that it is because we feel completely out of control. Some of our biggest triggers are in fact the result of this feeling. Even things we would not at face value think are about this. For example, people forming negative opinions about us. If someone has made their mind up about us and we can’t change the way they are thinking about us because they can’t be reasoned with… What is upsetting us in this situation is that we are completely out of control.
First and foremost, we have to ask ourselves honestly “What is so bad about being out of control?” We may find that being out of control means that someone or something else is in control. This is all well and good if we trust that someone or something. But if our life experience has taught us to distrust others and distrust the universe at large (because we have been hurt over and over again), being out of control can mean to us that we are going to get hurt at the very least and that we may just be in a fight for our very survival. Can you imagine the terror of your survival being in the hands of someone who does not have your best interests at heart?
Bad luck is one form of feeling completely out of control of your reality. If your version of being out of control, takes the form of Bad Luck, you feel as if the universe is against you and you are going to be prevented from what you want and need. To understand more about this conundrum, watch my video on YouTube titled: “I Can’t Trust the Universe, I feel Like God is Against Me”.
You may be confused at this point, about the concept of things being out of your control, seeing as how you have probably learned that you create your own reality. So how can it be true that I create my own reality, but I can be out of control of the circumstances of my life? Once something has become a physical manifestation, we have already vibrationally lined up with something. It is what currently is. There is not enough action in the world that is enough to compensate for the momentum of a vibration that is practiced enough so as to have become physical and this is what happens if we are in a situation that feels beyond our control. However, these unwanted things that we line up with are not a failure. For all you know, it is exactly the thing you need to experience for the sake of your own expansion. How do you know something should be happening? It’s happening. Even the most practiced of us do not create our reality consciously. Even when people learn how to create their reality consciously, the aspect of them that is subconscious is usually much larger and so for the most part humans subconsciously create their reality. This is fabulous if the subconscious mind is full of sunshine gumdrops and roses. But often it isn’t. Often it is full of painful beliefs, fears and negative expectations. There is nothing wrong with negative creations. In fact, negative creations are responsible for most of the enlightened beings walking the earth. Both negative and positive creations are important to expansion. To understand this deeper, watch my video on YouTube titled, “The Meaning of Pain”.
It does absolutely no good to think about “I create my own reality”. When you have lined up with something painful. Let me say this again, but this time in a different way. It does absolutely no good to remind someone else that they create their own reality when they have lined up with something painful. This adds insult to injury and it also isn’t entirely true. If we were 100% deliberately, consciously creating, no one would create painful situations for themselves. It is a much better idea when you’ve lined up with a painful situation that feels out of your control, that you begin to look at the situation as if ‘whatever happening… is supposed to happen because it’s happening’.
So what do we do when we find ourselves in a situation where we are completely out of control?
- When we feel out of control, we feel powerless. When we try to take action to control from this space of powerlessness, we only wind our way in deeper and deeper into a state of despair and powerlessness. Literally the second you feel bad about something to the degree that you want to control it, you are feeling despair and so those lower vibrational feelings are what you are a match to. Any and all action taken from these lower vibrational places will yield negative results. Results that reinforce the despair. We are using control to resist the powerlessness and whatever we resist persists. So when we feel out of control, counter intuitively we need to release all control. We need to get in the back seat of life and stop resisting the current of where life is taking us completely. This is the art of total surrender. You can’t let go and allow, thereby releasing all the resistance you have as long as you’re seeking control. So what I am suggesting is to give up. Consciously give up. Cut your losses. Be prepared to start over from scratch completely. Change is needed. It’s a bit like a bigger scale version of being willing to totally accept you’re at square one all over again and re-building your house of cards from nothing. We can’t start building again until we stop resisting the fact that the house of cards has fallen. We can spend time in this space of total surrender for as long as it feels like relief. Then, we may feel ready to move forward.
- We need to set our momentum on the right course. Negative, subconscious momentum is what creates situations that feel out of our control. So, we need to create positive momentum. There is a huge difference between control and empowerment. Control and the desire to control, is an ego construct. It is the byproduct of fear. It only ever comes from and leads to disempowerment. On the entire opposite side of the vibrational scale is empowerment.
Empowerment is about finding alignment in any small way that you can, no matter how small or large. Once something has manifested, you cannot control it. You cannot control your government, your partner, the weather, your children, other people’s pinions of you and the list goes on. But you can take little steps to make yourself feel just a little bit better and a little bit better. You can find thoughts that feel better to think so as to sooth yourself. You can curl up with a hot water bottle. You can seek solace in other people. Having influence over your own internal world brings about a sense of empowerment whereby you know that no matter what happens to you, you are not powerless relative to how you feel. It’s 4,000 times more empowering to be able to alter the way you feel than to live according to the belief that if you could just control certain circumstances, you’d feel better. This sets the momentum of the vibrations you are holding on a positive course. And then, all you must do is take action according to the feeling of inspiration as it arises within you and those actions will lead to empowerment.
- Stop focusing on the choices you do not have and focus on the ones that you do have. We may very well be in a situation that is out of control externally and then, we are left only with what we can control internally. We can’t un-do the past so we only have control over how to deal with it now. We can’t control how other people behave, but we can control how we react to them.
When we feel powerless, we slip into lack consciousness. We stop being able to perceive the power we do have and the opportunities we do have and the resources we do have. It’s a bit like being shut in a prison cell for ten years and not even realizing the door isn’t locked. When we allow ourselves to only focus on what limits us, we do not see the ways we are free. Play a game with yourself, where just for the heck of it you take your attention totally off the things you have no control over and place your attention on the things you do have control over. This game is in fact the way that people survive concentration camps, war imprisonment and other forms of captivity.
- Set small goals and things to accomplish and scratch them off your list every day. These goals do not have to be related to the circumstance you feel powerless about. You do this so as to gain back a sense of personal empowerment. If you feel really powerless, things as small as cleaning your bathroom or reorganizing can be enough.
- Ask for help. Often when we are at our most powerless, we are faced with the opportunity to awaken to a greater depth of spirituality. Whether we are asking for help from other people or whether we are asking for help directly from God, we are becoming connected to something greater than ourselves. But by surrendering to the help of this collectivity that is greater than ourselves, we cannot be disempowered because we are indivisible from it. We are aspects of it. For help with this, you may want to watch my videos on you Tube Titled: “Letters To God”. And “Does Prayer Work?”
- Find out what you are really afraid of in this powerless situation. Often when we feel totally powerless, it is not the external circumstance that is rendering us powerless. It is ourselves. We are so afraid of something, such as what someone else will do or say, that we are telling ourselves we have no choice when we do. We are kind of waiting for something outside of us to change so we can feel safe enough to take the action or say what feels right to do or say. We’re just totally unprepared to face a consequence. So we have become paralyzed. Once we are prepared to face the consequence, we are no longer stuck and powerless.
- Regroup and reassess your true desires. Own up to your true needs and wants. It is perfectly ok to amend your desires; you will do so many times over the course of your life. When we feel totally out of control, especially if it is our entire life that has barreled out of control, we need to start over from scratch and only keep the elements of our current life that we genuinely want to keep. So, ask yourself, what do I really want and why do I want those things? And then start incrementally going in the direction of those newly assessed desires. If you are experiencing the loss of control in your whole life as a nervous break down, watch my video on You Tube titled: “Nervous Breakdown”
- When you are struggling with feeling totally out of control, you can guarantee that you are struggling with uncertainty. For this reason, I want you to watch my video on YouTube titled: “How to Deal With Uncertainty”.
- Love. Love in any way you can, no matter how small or large. Appreciate anything you are capable of appreciating in your life. Feeling out of control is a state of fear. At all moments of the day, we have a choice between love and fear. The opposite vibration of fear is in fact love. So we cannot love and fear at the same time. Laughter is an expression of love. So even laughing at something totally unrelated to the thing we feel powerless about is an antidote to fear. Focusing on someone else’s problems out of love and care for them is an expression of love. This is an antidote to your fear. Appreciating the smell of coffee grounds in your cup is love. This is an antidote to fear. And in the absence of fear, our world opens up to new possibilities. Possibilities that did not exist to us while we were in the vibration of fear. Possibilities are the opposite of the trapped powerlessness you feel.
As people, we are rendered miserable by our endless attempt to control what we have no control over. We spend our lives trying to put milk back in the glass that has already shattered. It is understandable. We are looking at a world full of painful conditions, wanting to change those conditions so that we can feel good. But incase you didn’t notice, the harder we try, the harder it gets to feel good. The beautiful opportunity that is available to us in a situation we have no control over, is that we get to practice the art of total allowing. We get to begin again, from scratch and build something new and better in place of what was. We get to feel the invincible bravery of choosing love over fear. We get to experience the impenetrable strength in conscious surrender.
Article by Teal Swan
Image by Shutterstock
6 thoughts on “When Things are Beyond Your Control”
Wow…this was a great article
Thank you Brian Shelton. Be Well
Great post. keep them coming
Thanks for stopping by and reading our post mslavonna. Be well
Wish I’d found this sooner. Very helpful!!!
We’re blessed you found this to be helpful. Thank you for stopping by and visiting with us. Be Well…