If you have repeatedly cheated, or are the partner of a cheater and can’t seem to forgive or break off the unhealthy relationship, Dr. Phil has advice.
Look at the statistics.
The chance of a successful relationship born of infidelity is not even one in 100. A marriage that starts in infidelity has no foundation. You go into it with guilt, shame, angst, worry, and all the baggage that comes with that. Add to that managing your ex and going through possible custody battles for children. Is it worth it?
Think of the children.
If you have children and you are cheating on your spouse, your children will suffer. You are turning their lives upside down, fracturing their family unit and destroying their peace and harmony.
Think ahead to what the courts might think of you as a parent. You may think your partner wouldn’t fight you on custody, but people change when they get into a divorce court. Your spouse might just decide that the person who stole his/her partner will not steal the children as well. If you enter the divorce arena in the midst of infidelity, you have put your children in play. Again, ask yourself, is it worth it?
If the person you are having an affair with is married with children, ask yourself, “What right do I have to fracture his/her family unit in which innocent children are growing every day, just to feed my need?”
Be honest with yourself.
Is the unfaithfulness over with? Moving forward, do you absolutely and unequivocally have nothing to hide? You’ll never get past this until you start being drop-dead honest. Remember, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If you don’t think you can stop on your own, get professional help.
Be honest with your partner.
By not being honest with yourself and your partner, you’re doing nothing but perpetuating the deception. If you know that you will continue to be unfaithful, and if you really care about your partner, you will let him/her go and get yourself some help.
Have the decency to tell your spouse in all honesty and candor that you own your choices. You’re the one who ran this relationship off in the ditch. This had nothing to do with your partner. If you want to fix your marriage, you have to accept responsibility and do whatever it takes to earn your partner’s trust back one step at a time.
Assess your commitment level.
Are you committed enough to your partner in order to do the work necessary in order to repair the relationship? However long it takes to get this relationship back on the road, is however long you need to work at it.
Behave your way to success.
Keep in mind, you can no longer be in contact with the person you were having an affair with. Avoid the places you know he/she frequents, change your phone numbers, and if you’re unsure of your strength in staying away from him/her, then move. If you’re so out of control that you’re like a moth to a flame, then get away from the candle!
Turn toward your partner.
When your life or relationship becomes rocky and affects your sexual relationship, that is the time you should turn toward your partner, not away from him/her because of your sexual needs.
Re-engineer your life.
If you are a sex addict, and you really want to change this, it’s not a quick fix. It’s an entire reengineering of your life, values, beliefs, thoughts, conduct and emotions. It’s about deconstructing your life, and reconstructing your future. Unless you get professional help, you’re going to continue to victimize everybody who you touch because you’re controlled by your impulses rather than your values.
Inspired by Dr. Phil
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